When The Right Door Opens Read online

  Agnes looked at her father with big eyes. She was clearly as shocked as Jamie and by the look of it, she waited for an explanation, as well as some reassuring words from her father. Jamie couldn't bear looking at her scared and disappointed face and turned his back to Agnes. He put his mug on the counter, trying to compose himself. He felt like crying, but at the same time, he didn't want to lose it in front of Agnes.

  “Dad?” her voice was shaking and barely audible. Jamie gulped and turned around to face her. Jamie looked into big inquisitive eyes. By now, Agnes was fourteen and she knew more about Jamie's job than was good for her. For a brief moment, he wasn't sure what to say to her, but then he straightened up and smiled tiredly.

  “It's alright sweetheart. Now, go get ready for school. I will sort everything out tonight.” Jamie knew that this night he would need to work late and maybe even start earlier, too. It was mid-January and the nights where going slow. Not many men were out and about to seek a quick satisfying thrill at that time of the year. Winter months where always the hardest to get by, and this time, it was no different.

  “I don't want you to go to work tonight.” Agnes said gruffly, while clearing her bowl and taking her backpack and coat. Jamie didn't know what to say, other than a quiet “But I have to.” The girl kissed her father's cheek and nodded curtly.

  “Why can't you have a normal job? We could move away from Gabefield and start anew. Somewhere, where nobody knows us. You don't have to do this. Not for me.” Agnes's eyes were pleading and it tore at Jamie's heart, but he believed that there was no other option for him to gain money.

  For six years, he had been doing this every day, even when he had had a cold, and now he was approaching his thirtieth birthday without knowing it any other way anymore. He wished his life was different too, without ever once having regrets about Agnes's birth.

  “I am not a child anymore. You can't keep everything from me. And I know that you know how much I know. Please dad, please consider it.” Jamie nodded, wondering when his little princess had grown up so much. She kissed him again and left for the school bus, leaving Jamie alone with his conflicting thoughts.

  The moment the door fell into its lock, Jamie let go. His shoulders sagged and his tears flowed freely. He was desperate and tired of his life. Wearily, he rubbed his face, shaking his head hopelessly. Jamie was suddenly very aware that his daughter was right. Of course, this was not the way to raise a child or a teenager. He sat down at the table, his head in his hands. Agnes was right, he needed to turn his life into a different direction, before he took her down with him. But he didn't know how to change it. He had no real job, no experience in any other real job either. He was lucky that he didn't have an addictive personality, or else he was sure that he would have succumbed to drugs to numb his feelings. But as it was, Jamie's biggest problem was money, and that he felt alone and lonely. He had nobody in his life whom he considered friend enough to burden with his problems.

  However, his self-loathing and – pity party didn't change the fact that he needed to start his daily routine. He needed to make money and what was more important, he needed to make more than on an average night. He took his keys, his phone and went out for his daily jog. He ran miles and miles every day, to clear his head and to stay in shape. Running was a cheap sport and over the years, many men had come to appreciate his build. There was not an ounce of fat on his body. Everything was lean and tight muscle, partly from running and partly from watching his diet closely. Jamie had always been proud of his looks, but recently, he had started discovering gray hair in his otherwise black mop. It made him feel old and self-conscious; most of his clients preferred younger men and not worn out street-whores. My time is up! He pushed the thoughts away and ran faster.

  At home, Jamie made a few calls, one to ensure that Lauren could be in earlier to be with Agnes and another one, to order food for them. He cleaned the house and scrubbed the kitchen spotless and then went to the bathroom to start his daily beauty program. His looks were what made him earn money; he always needed to look his best, regardless of his inner wars. He needed to look better than the other boys on the streets, well groomed, clean and prepared for his clients.

  ****

  It was still fairly early to take his usual place under the neon lit sign at the corner of the Chinese dry cleaning shop and it wasn't completely dark yet. Jamie knew he would look suspicious, loitering there, but he also knew that this street was known to be the most popular pick-up place in Gabefield and everyone would simply look away instead of conjuring up trouble with the law. Gabefield was a small town after all. People minded their own business and more than once, they turned a blind eye. What I don't see doesn't exist! It had always been like this for Jamie. Not once in the six years he had come to this place daily, had he had encounters with the police. He was lucky. Others weren't and he couldn't help wondering if this had to do with the fact, that he wasn't affiliated with a pimp. Maybe, he flew under the radar.

  It wasn't the first time Jamie stood here, at this time of the day either. Some months were harder to make ends meet than others, and December and January in particular. Jamie loved to spoil his daughter for Christmas and for her birthday, even if that meant working harder and longer hours for a few weeks before and after these events. This time, it was one of those days when money needed to come in and fast. There was no time to revel in the memories of his child, he needed to switch to hustler-mode and get into the right mindset. Jamie had no other choice, he needed the money to pay his rent or his landlord would not hesitate to throw him and his fourteen-year old daughter out on the street. Jamie didn't doubt at all that the landlord would act true to his words. His time was limited to four hours every night, to make as much money as possible. Lauren had made it very clear that she would not spend more time with Agnes, and lately had commented on Agnes's age too and how she was old enough to stay home alone. Jamie couldn't agree at all. He still saw the toddler she once was, the child who needed assistance with the most trivial tasks; for him Agnes was far from independent and if he would have his way, she would never grow up at all. But as it was, Agnes was turning from a child into a young lady who acted more maturely than her old father on occasion. Jamie smiled to himself. He loved his daughter so much and most memories with her were happy memories. Now, he could also laugh about the nights he spent with a crying, teething child, now, he could laugh about the temperament she had had as a child. Agnes understood well from an early age on what her father did for a living, and she understood why she was with her mother every night. A mother who insisted being called by her name – Lauren – because she didn't want to be a mother to a child. She understood that they struggled to make ends meet every month and she knew that she was not to tell a soul what her father did or they would come and take her away from her father. It was ingrained in her brain. Her friends liked her young father and commented on his good looks or how fun he was. If someone asked her what he did for a living she always said that he was a salesman, which was only a small lie. She knew, how dangerously her father lived and recently, she voiced more and more often that she wanted him to stop doing this. It was a hard life for a child and Jamie knew it. He did his best to raise a good girl and be a good father, to protect her from his job, but he also knew that she was not naive. And while she seemed to be carefree and a normal fourteen-year old, complete with first period, first bra and first crush, Jamie knew that, inside, she was more mature and more grown-up than she let on and was good for her.

  Jamie dreamed of leaving this life behind and giving Agnes a better start than this. Jamie didn't like the fact that life was getting harder and harder, and he knew that he couldn't keep doing this for the rest of his life. He needed a serious, grown-up job and still have time for his girl. He needed a chance and some support, but there was nothing and no one.

  Jamie remembered the last words his grandfather had said to him: “Every choice we make helps us become a better man. Every road we take leads the way to a new futu
re. Never regret your choices and never question the roads you took. Everything happens for a reason.” the old man had patted Jamie's back and walked into the house. Two days later, he had died and the last ties Jamie had had with his own family were cut. Those words though, he heard them loud and clear every day and they helped him to stay sane and to walk on.

  Jamie checked his cell-phone for a text from Agnes or her mother, but there was nothing. He sighed and leaned casually against a cold brick wall and waited. It was freezing cold, and standing still like this made the cold penetrate his body. He could have worn a thick coat, but then the clients would not see what they were buying, so Jamie stood there, with a light, opened leather jacket.

  Somehow, he still had that dream – that Pretty Woman-dream that someday, a rich handsome man would pick him up, he would fall in love with Jamie and Agnes and take them away and all of Jamie's problems would be solved.

  Reality was very different. Very different. Jamie rubbed his cold hands against each other and blew on them. He stepped from one foot to the other, to move a little. But it was cold and Jamie prayed for a car to stop sometime soon.

  Car after car drove by, some slowed down to look him up and down, some asked for his price, but none of them invited him inside their car, and none of them paid any money.

  Jamie didn't like the feeling he got, being eyed like a piece of meat, but this day was not very different from his other days at work, and it was, after all, part of his job description. Still, Jamie was more nervous than he usually was, partly it came from the pressure he was under, partly, it came from the doubts and the wish to change his life, which became louder and louder. No clients, no money, no home. Eviction.

  The pressure rose and made Jamie nervous and restless, almost anxious. He checked his phone again. This time he had two texts:

  One from Lauren:

  Don't forget to pick your daughter up.

  And one from Agnes

  Be safe daddy. I love u

  Jamie sighed again. Agnes had sent him the very same text every single night for the last four years, and it reassured him. It was like his lucky charm. Maybe the feeling in his stomach was not anxiety, maybe everything would turn out to be fine and he was simply in a silly mood.

  ****

  In order to draw more attention to himself, Jamie decided to show a little more skin. Freezing or not, he needed Johns tonight. He took of his jacket and threw it casually over his shoulder, then he opened his shirt, revealing his bare skin and he even plopped the button on his jeans, revealing that he wore no underwear. After all, sex sells and Jamie sold sex for a living when the night was not as slow and cold as this one.

  Finally, a luxurious red car stopped and a tinted window rolled down. Jamie approached the flashy car and took a look inside the passenger window, scanning the driver like he always did before deciding to get into a car or not. Warmth streamed out of the car, soft music played, while the motor was still humming. Not giving himself time to over-think the situation, he approved of the John, he seemed to be okay and even if not, Jamie would have taken him on anyway, if only for the money and to warm up a bit. Beggars can't be choosers. The John appeared to be in his mid-thirties, muscly and tanned, certainly coming from the gym, judging by the tank top and the shorts. No one would walk around like that in this cold. The man was definitely handsome with a manly face and big hands, but cold unemotional blue eyes. Handsome clients always made the job easier, though.

  “Get in, boy. I pay good money for a blow-job and a fuck. Of course I'll top. No arguments permitted. Now get in, I don't have all night.” Jamie patted his pockets, making sure he had protection and lube. He never barebacked with a John, even if he could easily make the triple of what he was earning now. What he did was dangerous enough, no need to add unnecessary health risks to it. Hesitantly, Jamie opened the door and got in. The heat felt good on his skin, but nevertheless did he wrap his shirt tighter around himself.

  Alarm bells rang in the far corner of Jamie's mind at the rough tone in the John's voice, but he needed money and judging by the car, this man would pay well.

  “Where are you taking me?” Jamie asked a bit out of his comfort zone. Most men just drove around the corner and got over with it, not this man. And no matter how many times he got in the car with clients, these firsts moments where always awkward and unpredictable. Expectations and anticipations only fueled the awkwardness.

  “To a motel. Something wrong with getting a little more comfortable than being cramped in this car?” the man said evenly, winking at Jamie and letting his hand rest on Jamie's thigh. Jamie shook his head and carefully took note of the road and the way they were taking. Time was money and after leaving this customer, he needed to be back on his corner as soon as possible, to score the next trick. The hand on his thigh, however, was warm and strong and Jamie had a feeling that he would enjoy this client. He melted against the seat and waited to arrive at their destination.

  The man drove into a parking lot of a shabby looking motel and turned to Jamie:

  “Wait here! I'm going to get a room. Don't move. Wait!” he insisted and Jamie only nodded. He saw the man walking towards the reception and took the opportunity to seize him up. He was big and bulky. His tank top and shorts revealed his muscles, he was cute though, but also intimidatingly tall and it made Jamie wondered, if he had done the right thing in getting into this car. For a brief moment, he considered running away and letting good money go to waste. His hand was grabbing at the handle and just when he wanted to open the door, it was opened for him and a firm hand grabbed his wrist, pulled him out of the car and spun him around.

  “You did not want to leave me unsatisfied, boy, did you?” The man's breath was visible in the cold and he pressed his hard body into Jamie's, pushing him back against the car and trapping him effectively, towering over him. Jamie was not short, stood six foot two, and still, this man was much taller than him. Intimidatingly so. Jamie smiled charmingly, wanting to sooth the John.

  “Listen, I had a call. Um... I'm sorry, but I need to leave.” Jamie lied and tried to get passed the man, who easily pinned him back to where he was. Jamie wasn't sure how to react, fear crept up inside him, his heart pounding hard in his chest. This is not good!

  “You are mine for the night.” The man growled intimidatingly and kissed Jamie's neck with surprising tenderness. He then stepped back and guided Jamie by the arm to their room.

  “I... I'll just take the bus. Let me go!” Jamie struggled and tried to get free, but the stranger kept an iron grip on his arm and dragged him into a dark motel room.

  It was dark at first and Jamie felt his heart beat even faster and faster. The blood pounded in his ears. He was scared. There was no other word to describe his feelings. He was not excited, not anticipating what was going to happen.

  This was one of those situations he always dreaded, but maybe he could get out of it unharmed by being as submissive as possible, and charming too. Don't let your fear show! The stranger found the light switch and Jamie was momentarily blinded by the bright light. He quickly adjusted his eyes and glanced around the room. It was nothing fancy or extraordinary, but it wasn't rundown either. It was a simple room, with a king sized bed covered with a floral patterned comforter. The carpet was light gray and Jamie thought that it might have used to be white, back in the day. The only other furniture were two matching nightstands on each side of the bed, a stuffed chair and a sideboard with an outdated TV.

  “Undress here for me! Slowly. And then go take a shower, I want you clean. Leave the door open. I want to watch.” The request to take a shower first was not new to Jamie and he was glad that the man, whose name he still didn't know, had not asked to join him.

  Jamie walked into the bathroom and left the door open as instructed, before he reached into the shower stall to let the water run and heat up first. He made a show of sliding his already opened shirt off his shoulders and throwing it back at the stranger with his most seductive smile. Jamie had switc
hed now completely from father to hustler-mode. He knew exactly what to do and how he was supposed to act. Slutty but submissive.

  The man nodded and Jamie saw his eyes darken with apparent desire. Jamie also noticed that the man was already hard and his cock tented the front of his shorts. He turned around again, facing the wall and undoing the zipper of his jeans. Putting on a show. He slipped his thumbs inside the pants and slowly lowered them, while pushing his ass out and bending forward, offering a view of his ass, balls and cock. Jamie didn't see the man approach and jumped, startled, when one of his now naked ass cheek was slapped hard. Jamie wanted to stand up straight, but a strong hand at back of his neck held him down, while Jamie heard the water being turned off.

  “Let's skip the shower” the John growled huskily, while spreading Jamie's ass cheeks and probing his hole with a dry finger. Many thoughts raced through Jamie's mind and he knew he needed to find a way to gain control again or this would end ugly for him. Fear was his foremost emotion. Only outshone by the will and hope to not be damaged beyond repair.

  “Play nice, big boy and I'll blow you for free.” Jamie said, looking at the stranger over his shoulder and licking his lips seductively. He was disgusted with himself, but he only did his job.

  “My money, my rules, you filthy whore.” with that, Jamie felt himself big pushed none too gently against the cold tiled wall. His face was flush against the wall and the man had an iron grip on him, making it impossible to move. Jamie tried to push himself away from that wall, pushing his flat hands against the tiles, but it was to no avail, he only pushed his backside against the John's front even more. Jamie started to panic and begged to be released, but the man didn't want to hear any of it and grabbed him by the hair, only to slam his face against the wall again. Jamie felt a sharp pain and heard an awful crack. Was it his face, his nose, a tile? He didn't know, but by the pain he felt in his nose, he feared it had broken. Blood and snot were running down his face, over his mouth and chin, slowly dripping to the floor to form a puddle at his feet. He tried to push himself away from the wall once again, but all he achieved was being slammed against the wall harder still. All the while, the John had a couple of fingers well up Jamie's ass and the other hand held him steady by the neck.